Why?

I’m not so much a religious person as I am a spiritual one. Growing up I was raised in a Catholic household and certain beliefs and traditions were bestowed on me as they have been to most Hispanic households- I’m sure. I lived in an untraditional traditional household if that makes any sense. What I mean is that my mother is a woman of faith and if it were up to her we would’ve been in church every Sunday if that had been possible. Growing up my mother worked long hours in order to sustain our household as a single mother of four and so we compromised a great deal with the time that was available to us. With time being limited I didn’t really spend a great deal of it within the church. Nonetheless my mother always wanted us to have a connection with God. Truly speaking I struggled with my faith for a very long time for many of personal reasons and there were many of times where I found myself questioning the possibility of God’s existence. As I look back on those days I now realize I may have been a bit selfish. I think when times are hard and you feel helpless and angry your emotions tend to get the best of you- you tend to come to unrealistic conclusions. Why doesn’t God love me? Why doesn’t God help me, or us, even them? I know I’ve asked myself these questions a million times. Time and time again and I think I’ve always been proven wrong, with time. Sometimes blessings don’t come wrapped in glitter and gold. It takes time to understand why certain struggles or responsibilities have been placed on your shoulders. Whatever the case might be, you will come out a better person in the end because of it.

I may not frequent Sunday service but I do believe in God and I am a very faithful person.

With that in mind. I wanted to take a moment to talk about these three pieces, how they came to be, and what they mean to me. There was a period of time in the beginning of the year where I became very ill. I had a very high fever for about a week and a half and I felt very weak and could not function like normally. I asked my close friends to pray for me and I prayed for my recovery and that of others as well. Once I regained some strength and energy I took to painting to lift my spirits. This was when the first painting was created. I had been looking to create a series of paintings featuring succulent subjects for a while now and so I was playing around with different concepts and compositions. I added this lady bug as a representation of God. Why a lady bug?

There was a time when I had visited a local park in order to clear my mind. I was having a hard time doing so as many thoughts and emotions filled my mind. It was in that moment that a lady bug landed on my arm and so this small little creature crawled up and down my arm. I sat there and I thought of nothing but I was filled with joy by the ladybugs presence. Immediately my spirits lifted and I thanked God for this blessing.

The second image was a piece I produced directly after the initial one and this was a donation for a fundraiser that the Wilson Arts Center recently held. This image was created while I was still playing around with ideas for future works. The third and final image is a piece that will be exhibited in my show in August. The image is one of my favorites and is representative of the final composition design that will cary through most of the pieces.